Every finals week I'm literally terrified of what's ahead. I'm terrible with mass bingeing on information, then applying those concepts to more difficult situations.
Times like these I wonder how it would've been like if I went to an easier school, and how the fuck was I ever considered smart... I'm so below average it's not even funny.
Times like these I realize if I don't go and do something I love soon, I'm not sure how much longer I can keep this up before I just quit altogether.
Times like these make me want to go and find something I'm really good at and work really hard at it, I want to be in a hysterical joy of fit and frustration slaying over something I'm so ridiculously good at and get a boner over how mentally stimulating and interesting it is.
Times like these make me miss being good at something so bad, that I need to stop being so fucking MEDIOCRE and go and be GOOD at something.
I never feel more like myself as I do in my leisure time, filling it up with people, activities, and things that I love. I guess the downside on learning more about myself is that I'm learning to hate what I don't like even more....... like research based learning. It's just not me. I'm in my 20s and I'm thirsty for life, how can anyone expect me to learn and grow by sitting in front of book, pen and paper all day..
See you at the end of the week and pray I can finish these last few quarters at this school.
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