Weekend

This weekend was the most fun I've had in a while. I'm a person that has a tendency to get stuck in my head, lost in my own world, and just completely distort reality to suit the disturbing comfort that my mind keeps in. It sounds twisted, but I mean, it's true.

I've been pushing myself to be a better version of myself in many ways these past few years. I've tried to become more materialistic, getting rid of literally pounds of things and buying things that I truly love and can't see myself getting rid of. I've been trying to become less emotionally dependent, but not scared to become emotionally invested. Does that make sense? I was really dependent on people for happiness for a good period of time, and now I'm finally learning to make my own happiness.. but that does not mean leaving people out of it. I just don't have this need to be with people like I used too. I've been pushing myself to cherish the people in my life that are important to me and dropping, or just give less attn to those who aren't. I have no time to be selfless and help you get where you want to be if it involves me taking steps back for you.. I'm sure there is more, I just can't think of them right now.

This doesn't mean I'm suddenly this flawless individual. It's pretty obvious I still suffer from some pretty bad self image/insecurities.. but I'm addressing it, along with everything above. I feel addicted to productivity now to be honest. I get pretty bummed if I don't do the amount (or around the amount) of pilates and gym time I strive for in a week. I get pretty bummed if I don't do the amount of studying I wanted to do for the week. I've been getting into my zones, where I ditch the nap in the middle of the day, wake up early and get a good breakfast, and end the day relaxing a body that hasn't stopped moving. I like this.. it's kind of like a rusty machine. It's pretty hard getting it back to it's original form and to get all the gears going from it's period of inactivity, but once you get it going.. man, then it becomes hard to stop.

This weekend consisted of dinner with my big and little, losing my PB virginity, revisiting The Getty, and stumbling upon a huge Korean night market to see Dumbfoundead. Today's 4/20.. but I don't smoke and I've reveled in my free time this weekend and I need to catch up on my studies. 

Nick and I blew so much money this weekend... like every other weekend. But I mean, sometimes I feel like it's inevitable. You will have so much money later on, but not the amount of time so just be poor now and utilize this freedom.. That's how I think about it anyways. Plus, I've been really good with saving money so I feel like these are times worth splurging for? I don't even know where I'm going with this to be honest. Just catch my drift.