sometime last year

I had a crap ton of bad events come along my way and I completely just stopped and asked life, WHY.

Why me? What did I do that could possibly beg for these things to happen to me? I was trying to heal, I was trying to grow, I was trying to become something better than I was. But of course, there was no response, and I moved on. Right now, I'm reminiscing because if I was the same person I was last year, I would've probably felt this way. Victimizing myself, looking up to the sky and asking, WHY ME?! all over again. But no, I'm just accepting these things as they come my way as chance when I can't find an explanation, rather than always searching for a method behind the madness. I couldn't control that I got a nail in my tires.

However, my MacBook died because I was careless. My favorite necklace broke because I was also careless. I got a speeding ticket because I was careless. I need to work on being more cautious and aware. This is my life, I never fix any of my flaws until something terrible happens. In this case, several terrible things happen. But I'm not really unhappy, I'm just kind of lightly somber that these things have occur, but I mean, there's not much I can do now other than suck it up and move on. I can only try to get better and make the future better than the past.

Each year of my life as of recently, the versions of myself are very distinct from each other. 2012, was darkness. 2013, was growth. And here we are at 2014, which I think I'm going to prematurely label as maturity.

I feel grown up in the way I think now. I still have a lot of growing to do, but I feel mature in the way I handle and approach things. I'm less irrational, impulsive, and temperamental. I feel like things affect me less and I'm more clear when I see things. It's less about ME ME ME. About MY problems, MY unhappiness, and MY first world complaints. I'm less affected by shitty things because they are less oriented around ME.